For today’s eDating story, I’m temporarily abandoning my shoe analogy for the worn-in maritime “many fish in the sea” analogy. It appears that though there may be many fish in the sea, there aren’t quite so many in the eHarmony dating pool.
The inevitable day finally came when Sassy Pants and I were set up with the same fellow. We made this discovery while she and I were enjoying a sunny rooftop lunch together, discussing work, friends, and of course, dating. Sassy Pants mentioned that she had a date scheduled for the following evening and began describing the man she was going to meet. After comparing notes, we determined without doubt that he was the same person I went out with a few times a couple months earlier.
The fellow, who will quasi-affectionately be referred to as Mr. Collins (a not-so-subtle Pride and Prejudice allusion), seemed to be nice enough. He was decent-looking, creative, articulate, and I enjoyed exchanging emails and IMs with him. In theory, he should have been a great fit for me. However, in practice, I just didn’t feel…anything. Conversing with Mr. Collins in person bored me out of my mind. I went out with him multiple times, hoping that perhaps chemistry would appear over time, but it just never did. Finally, I had to tell Mr. Collins “thanks, but no thanks” and I wished him all the best. He, unfortunately, didn’t share my desire to call it a day and this led to some bitter exchanges.
Bitter exchanges alone would be no reason for Sassy Pants to not go out with Mr. Collins. Hesitation only came when it dawned on us that I was in a photo she used on her profile and she even directly referred to me in her profile text. What was this guy up to? Did he honestly just not notice? Was he playing some psychotic game? A far kinder person than I, Sassy Pants decided to send him an email telling him what we discovered. (I had been leaning more towards an elaborate and hysterical plot.) It turned out that he completely overlooked Sassy Pants’ connection to me and it was just an honest coincidence. The date was still on!
Sassy Pants found Mr. Collins to be far more interesting and engaging than I did, and liked him well enough to be open to another date. As far as I’m aware, they’re still talking to each other and will go out again in the near future.
Dating and attraction are funny things. Sassy Pants and I are similar in so many ways, which means we should be attracted to the same kind of man, but it just isn’t so – and that’s probably a good thing! Mercifully, a situation that could have been painfully awkward was merely amusing. We eDaters are all looking for something (even if we don’t know what that “something” is) and just because Mr. Collins couldn’t provide that something for me doesn’t mean he couldn’t provide it for someone else.
My new maritime analogy: One girl’s blow-fish is another girl’s salmon.
4 Replies to “eDating Fun – Used Fish”
Don’t be surprised if this happens again; the dating pool can be small because practically everyone wants to meet that special someone.
I wonder if all encounters will be as humorous… I really thought that the dating pool in LA would be synonymous with the fish in the Pacific…infinite! It’s more like one of the great lakes…if that!
Your pool here in LA is about 17,308 people computed as follows:
eHarmony has about 5 mln registered users (prooflink http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/history/eharmonyhistory.html) out of 300 mln US population
LA population is 9,848,011 people (US census http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/06/06037.html) out of which roughly half are males
Bachelor’s degree or higher, pct of persons age 25+, 2000 24.9% (same source as above about demographics of LA from US census)
People living above poverty level is 100% – Persons below poverty level, percent, 2008 15.3%=84.7% (same source as above about demographics of LA from US census)
So, roughly you get
You’re encounter is quite typical in attempting to bridge the gap between cyberspace and face-to-face…
And as far as your wishful thinking patiently waiting/wanting for chemistry to appear… I’m of the mind that I know within the first 5-10 minutes of meeting in person if there’s chemistry or a “just friends” vibe going on.